Park the car a mile away, trek through the pouring rain
TSA's the only smile I get—pat me down, ease the pain
Gate 16, two-hour wait, people-watching is my show
Guy clipping nails, emotional-support peacock steals the glow
Boarding tube, slow-motion crawl, bags like boulders stacked overhead
Everyone's fighting for space—my carry-on's already dead
Squeeze into 22B, no armrest, just elbows and phones
Left guy's sprawlin', right gal's scrollin'—I'm stuck in the zone
Two shots of rum and noise-cancelling headphones
Two shots of rum soothing my aching backbone
Two shots of rum I can make it, yes I can
That's the only thing I got till I land
Middle seat blues, middle seat I didn't choose
Ear-piercing kid wails two rows back, mom's too tired to soothe
Loudspeaker booms gibberish, can't understand a word
Big Man to the left, non-stop talker to the right, Oh Lord
Two shots of rum and noise-cancelling headphones
Two shots of rum soothing my aching backbone
Two shots of rum I can make it, yes I can
That's the only thing I got till I land
Turbulence bumps, kid kicks my seat like it owes him rent
I'm counting ceiling panels, praying for descent
Next flight I'm driving, or maybe I'll just stay home
'Cause middle seat blues got me writing this sad little poem
Two shots of rum and noise-cancelling headphones
Two shots of rum soothing my aching backbone
Two shots of rum I can make it, yes I can
Two shots of rum, now - I - can't stand
Yeah, that's how we survive